JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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