capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
