come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
