dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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