Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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