Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
