i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
