i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
