I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
