Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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