You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
