You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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