I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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