Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
