Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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