Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
