Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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