my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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