Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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