He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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