i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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