he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
