No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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