I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
