woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
