its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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