Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
