Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
