Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
