So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize