Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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