you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
