Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize