She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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