Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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