So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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