nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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