there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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