Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i out mim tonsoeep
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