y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
