there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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