oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
