im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize