I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Damn victory sex feels great
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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