I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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