either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
