my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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