This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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