please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
