he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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