we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's great music for shaving your balls
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
