you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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