i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
