my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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