What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
