can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
did i just pee glitter
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
