he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
