My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
