he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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