She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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