3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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