Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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