I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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