I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
